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meeting schedule in fall 2007


每周安排

每周三上午十点到十二点聚会
地点: 2244 Autumnwood Dr.,STATE COLLEGE, PA 16801

磐石宣道會 媽媽小組 Fall 2007

歡迎大家再度來到媽媽小組
這學期我們將開始新書『愛的雕琢』的學習
內容豐富,不可錯過
期盼我們每一個人都是懂愛會愛的媽媽

*************************************

part 1 雕琢的計畫
*你有藍圖嗎? *如果我能再當一次媽媽.
part 2 雕琢者的態度
*管家的心態 *給幼兒的媽媽
part3 自信心的雕琢
*培養孩子的自尊心 *鼓勵與稱讚
part 4 情緒的雕琢
*了解孩子的感覺 *如何讓孩子感受的父母的愛 *主動式的愛
part 5 人際關係的雕琢
*與兒女建立親密的關係 *如何處理忌妒
part 6 意志的雕琢
*管教的藝術 *訓練孩子順服父母
part 7 人性的雕琢
*食-吃的問題 *色-如何跟孩子談性
part8 靈性的雕琢
*如何為孩子禱告 *如何培育孩子的靈性 *家庭禮拜-苦與樂

*如果STATE COLLEGE SCHOOL DISTRICT 停课或晚两小时开学, 当日聚会暂停.

磐石宣道會 媽媽小組以往聚会主题:


special topic 3



糾正式的管教


糾正

    一般原則

  • 孩子小的時候,你把品德放進孩子裡面
  • 你把愚蒙換成智慧
  • 孩子的本性是自我中心,聖經的倫理是看重別人。 兩者間的張力產生了衝突

  • 衝突的三個時期

    第一期:14-40個月
    第二期:10-12歲
    第三期:19-21歲

    特定的原則

    糾正的第一個原則:

    糾正的方式要看孩子是不是有錯誤的動機而決定

    在了解孩子的行為時,父母要問

    我的孩子犯錯是不小心的還是故意的?
    是疏忽還是惡意的?


幼稚 ——孩子因為無知、不成熟所犯的無心之過,但沒有錯誤或邪惡的動機
    警戒─警告
    相應的後果

    • 財產
    • 特權
    • 個人的責任

愚蒙 ——有意的挑戰和公開的背叛
    關於愚蒙
    孩子要是不服從,他的行為就不能說是幼稚;他是行事愚蒙。愚蒙的行為需要糾正,但是父母糾正的時候,不要無論孩子所犯的愚蒙行為是那一種,都用一樣的方式或一樣強度的後果來糾正他

    懲罰/後果要與孩子所犯的錯相稱。因為懲罰本身會設立行為錯失的嚴重性

    孩子的公義感是透過懲罰來建立的,而不是透過獎賞。父母要小心在懲罰孩子所可能犯的兩種錯誤

    • 懲罰不足─賦予那個罪過低的價值
    • 過度懲罰─激怒孩子

    父母在處理孩子的愚蒙行為時,要考慮以下四個層面,以做出公義的處理

    • 方式
    • 那個過犯發生的頻率
    • 犯錯的情境
    • 孩子的年紀 ——三歲孩子說謊和十二歲孩子說謊是不一樣的
    • 孩子整體的行為表現

    過犯的程度

    • 警戒/口頭警告
    • 警戒加行動
    • 後果式的懲罰
      • 痛苦

最重要的原則
糾正的第一個原則是:糾正的方式要看孩子是不是有不好的動機而決定。再了解孩子的行為時,父母要問:「我的孩子犯錯是不小心的,還是故意的?是疏忽,還是惡意的?」


    special topic 2



    鼓勵式的管教



    引言

    • 一切都是從訓誨開始
    • 如果你不用話語訓誨你的孩子,他怎麼知道你對他的期待是什麼?
    • 如果你自己沒有活出你訓誨他要活出的好品德,那麼,那些標準對你會有多少意義?
    • 什麼可以幫助孩子把價值內化?

          • 道德知識
            父母的榜樣
        • 父母需要區別道德行為與非道德行為的不同。孩子生活中的活動,本質上並不是全都是與道德有關的─即從心發出來的行為。有些行動只是與孩子的技能有關而已。


        技能

        • 口頭讚美
          連結到「原因與結果」的行為
          與肢體碰觸連結
        • 目標誘因
          用目標誘因來鼓勵無關道德的行為
          用來鼓勵行為的目標誘因根本不是目標誘因,而是賄賂
        • 賄賂有什麼錯誤?
          因為神說他是錯的。「賄賂能叫明眼人變瞎了,又能顛倒藝人的話。」﹝出23:8﹞
          你會受到肉體的情慾、眼目的情慾和今生的驕傲所引誘﹝約一2:16﹞


        行為

        我們把行為定義為從心發出的活動
        父母透過鼓勵及糾正來激發孩子「心」的行為

        • 鼓勵
          • 事前鼓勵
            口頭提醒─透過提醒他,你期待他的是什麼,來鼓勵孩子做對的事
            問答對話─讓孩子告訴你,你要求他的是什麼

            正面的說法─盡可能用正面的話鼓勵孩子,你要求他的是什麼?
            不是說:“拿到桌上時,不要把麥片灑出來。”考慮說:“看你把麥拿到桌上時可以有多小心。”
            不是說:“不要離開床。” 考慮說:“聽媽媽的話,待在床上。”
            是說:“不要打妹妹。” 考慮說:“你要對妹妹友愛。”
            不是說:“不要講這麼多。"考慮說:"你需要學習當個傾聽者。"

          • 事後鼓勵
          • 口頭肯定

            獎賞
            獎賞是用來激勵行為,而不是用來引發行為的。
            獎賞是「因為你今天在店裡很乖」,不是「如果你今天在店裡很乖」。
            獎賞可以是具體的,也可以不是具體的。
            我們要因孩子服從而獎賞他,而不是給他獎賞以使他服從。
            小心「獎賞依賴」的情況。


        最重要的原則

        肢體碰觸可以讓你的口頭讚美更加有意義。爸爸這樣做時對孩子來說意義更大


        special topic 1

        服從的原則



        定義聖經的管教
        聖經講到管教時,指的是─件事 ─訓練﹝心的訓練﹞。
        聖經的管教就是要訓練孩子的心。世俗對管教的定義隱含著體罰和懲罰的意思。


        服從的原則
        2. 什麼是服從

          2.1 經文
          · 以弗所書6:1要小孩:「在主裡聽從父母,這是理所當然的。」
          · 歌羅西書3:20要孩子:「凡事聽從父母,因為這是主所喜悅的。 」
          2.2 對家庭的管理來說,服從是絕對必要的。

          2.3 服從的榜樣﹝創世紀22:2-3﹞
          「神 說 、 你 帶 著 你 的 兒 子 、 就 是 你 獨 生 的 兒 子、 你 所 愛 的 以 撒 、 往 摩 利 亞 地 去 、 在 我 所 要 指 示 你 的 山 上 、 把 他 獻 為 燔 祭 。 22:3 亞 伯 拉 罕 清 早 起 來 、 備 上 驢 、 帶著 兩 個 僕 人 和 他 兒 子 以 撒 、 也 劈 好 了 燔 祭 的 柴 、 就 起 身 往   神 所 指 示 他 的 地 方 去 了 。」

          2.4 亞伯拉罕做了三件事
          · 清早起來
          · 準備好。
          · 往神所指示他的地方去。

          2.5 聖經的服從四個特色
          · 要馬上
          · 要完全
          · 沒有挑戰
          · 沒有抱怨

        3. 父母如何破壞訓練的過程
          3.1威脅型/重複型的父母
          父母希望孩子服從,但是又不願這樣要求孩子

          3.2 賄賂型的父母─
          「賄賂能叫明眼人變瞎了,又能顛倒義人的話。」 ﹝出23:8﹞

        4. 給命令的原則
          4.1 你若和孩子講完一句話後,需要他有所表示時,要期待他馬上有完全的回應。

          4.2 你給孩子任何命令時,要把你的意思講出來,你講的就是你的意思. 不要給孩子你沒有想要他服從的命令。

            4.2.1 認識客觀和主觀的服從
            · 「立即服從」是客觀的標準,孩子會不會受到處罰,完全決定於他自己。總是以神的道德標準為準,使得服從這件事變得有客觀可行的原則,因為這樣父母的反應就不是任意的。
            · 不要求立即服從的父母,他們的體罰是主觀的。也就是說,體罰的時機與內容,完全決定在父母,這樣的孩子就會持續地處在一種衝突、困惑、不安的狀態。服從不再是客觀的,而是主觀的。處罰與不服從不再有關,而是與父母當下的情緒有關。

            4.2.2 立即服從的輔助方法
            · 「好的,媽媽/爸爸」。孩子在口語上服從。
            · 看著你的眼睛
            · 時間上的折衷:「孩子,這是你五分鐘的預告」,「再五分鐘…」有助於避免無端觸怒孩子

          4.3 如果我要我的孩子做一件事,他若不聽,那就是犯罪了。如果我老是重複我的話,希望他會聽,那我就是在父母的角色上犯罪了。


        5. 最重要的原則

        立即服從這件事,對孩子沒有那麼難,對父母反而比較難。因為父母需要前後一致才能做到這點。


        恭祝你春节快乐


        在这新春佳节之际,恭祝你春节快乐,家庭安康,新年大大蒙神祝福。
        非常谢谢你访问State college 妈妈小组博客网,我们愿意借著网络,将上帝在我们人生道路上的奇异恩典,和寻常生活中奇妙作为介绍给大家,并且分享各人在养育孩子并夫妻相处等各方面的心得,愿神的恩典和祝福,滋润您的人生。
        在这里,我们诚挚地邀请你来与我们共同建造State college 妈妈小组博客网站;若您已是基督徒的,歡迎将您认识主的经历和神在您生命中的作为写下来,与其他姐妹分享;如果您有任何有关养育孩子或夫妻相处的问题,请你在网上发贴,我们的同工会尽快尽力回贴解答。最后,请你将State college 妈妈小组博客网介绍给其他有需要的媽媽們,希望对她们的人生有帮助,有益处。
        《新》禧又来到,
        《年》年都美妙。
        《快》乐常微笑,
        《乐》在每一秒。
        《恭》贺少不了,
        《喜》庆样样好。
        《发》愿好运罩,
        《财》源滚滚到!
        新年吉祥!万事如意!

        歡迎您來到State College磐石宣道會的幼兒媽媽小組


        親愛的(準)媽媽們:

        我們代表磐石宣道會,首先歡迎您來到State College! 不管您覺得此地風景秀麗,人們和善或是枯燥無聊,您大概不能否認,這裡是孩子們成長的極好環境。
        磐石宣道會的幼兒媽媽小組,主要是提供一週一次的聚會,藉著與有相同經驗的媽媽們互相交流,讓我們在單獨帶孩子的歷程中,感到一些支持與鼓勵;主要成員涵蓋了懷孕的及帶著五歲以下嬰幼兒的媽媽們,我們也歡迎有興趣或願意參與的太太或有其他年齡層孩子的媽媽們加入。
        State College是一個大學城,所有的人幾乎都與Penn State有關,因此歡迎您加入我們,您在這裡一定能找到同伴,坐月子的食譜,新生兒需要的小床,或是管教小孩的tips.

        睡 眠 專 題(莊宗珮整理)

        睡 眠 專 題
        (媽媽小組專題2005/fall)

        1.你的孩子需要多少睡眠? 莊宗珮整理
        Age Nighttime SleepDaytime Sleep(sleep times)Total Sleep
        1 month8 1/27 (3)15 1/2
        3 months105 (3)15
        6 months 11 3 1/4 (2) 14 1/4
        9 months 11 3 (2) 14
        12 months 11 1/4 2 1/2 (2) 13 3/4
        18 months 11 1/4 2 1/4 (1) 13 1/2
        2 years 11 2 (1) 13
        3 years 10 1/2 1 1/2 (1) 12


        2. 不同年齡的孩子的睡眠問題及應對方法:

        Month 1-4:


        • Baby的第一週通常是honeymoon—睡得很長很久,甚至吃奶都叫不醒
        • 媽媽請把握所有的時間睡覺,最好和baby同作息
        • Baby在醒後1-2hrs內就會疲倦
        • 六週內的baby白天並不睡太長,晚上也較晚睡
        • 第六週是一個轉變期,通常baby這時會特別鬧
        • 80%的baby過六週之後會有比較穩定的睡眠習慣,也睡得較久
        • 及早發展固定的睡眠習慣,8-16週是訓練的黃金期,4個月會漸漸穩定下來
        • 持續用同一種方法使baby入睡 不要讓睡著的baby待在swing
        • timing很重要

        Month 5-12

        • Baby在醒後2-3hrs內就會疲倦
        • 通常需要3個naps,nap時間長短要掌控,以免影響下一個nap或晚上的睡眠
        • 有些baby半夜仍會醒2-3次吃奶,但即刻入睡
        • 9個月時,大概只需要2個naps,晚上也不需要餵了
        • 不要讓孩子太晚睡,早睡並不一定早起,反而常常相反
        • disturbed sleep:太晚睡、nap時間不對習慣不好、醒太多次、睡眠時間短、難入睡、睡時翻來翻去、呼吸不易
        • 不要讓孩子帶著奶瓶入睡,對牙齒傷害
        • tips:爸爸餵奶瓶、不抱起、不說話、最少的接觸坐在孩子旁邊、no眼神接觸、慢慢移開椅子靠近門、愈來愈晚去回應



        Age 1-3: 父母該如何做 What to do

        • Nap次數漸減
        • Between age 2-3, toddlers need about 11 to 12 hours of sleep a night and a 1.5-2 hrs nap each afternoon. Most children this age go to bed sometime between 7 and 9 p.m. and get up between 6:30 and 8 a.m. It may seem that your child's sleep patterns finally resemble yours, but he'll spend more time than you do in REM sleep and the deeper stages of non-REM sleep. The result? Because he'll be making more transitions from one sleep phase to the other, he'll wake up more often than you do. That's why it's so important that he learn how to soothe himself back to sleep.


        C. 不願上床的孩子怎麼辦?

        教導孩子自己入睡Teach your child to fall asleep alone.

        If your child will to go to bed only if you're around, he's forming bad habits that will be hard to break later. The best lesson you can teach him is how to soothe himself to sleep. Follow a nightly bedtime ritual (bath, books, and bed, for example) so he knows what's expected of him and what to expect at night. You can tell him that if he stays in bed you'll come back in five minutes to check on him. Let him know that he's safe and that you'll be nearby.

        不要讓他得逞Don't let him dawdle.

        Toddlers are great negotiators, and they're no different when it comes to bedtime. And because they so enjoy the time they spend with you, they'll do what they can to prolong the time they have with you. Your child may take his time doing his usual nightly routine, ask repeatedly for a glass of water, or keep requesting that you come to his room because he needs something. If you suspect he's stalling, don't let him. Tell him it's time for bed and that he can finish working on his art project the next day or find the stuffed bunny the following morning.
        You may want to anticipate all of your child's usual (and reasonable) requests and make them part of the bedtime routine. Fill up a glass of water before bed and have him put it on his night table, remind him to use the potty one more time, and give him lots of extra hugs to last him the whole night. Then allow your child one extra request — but make it clear that one is the limit. He'll feel like he's getting his way, but you'll know you're really getting yours.

        讓他自己做一些小決定Offer him acceptable choices at bedtime.

        These days your toddler is beginning to test the limits of his newfound independence. To help him feel empowered, let your child make choices whenever possible at bedtime, from which story he wants to hear to what pajamas he'd like to wear. The trick is to offer only two or three alternatives and to make sure you're happy with every choice. For example, don't ask, "Do you want to go to bed now?" He could very well say no, which isn't acceptable. Instead, try, "Do you want to go to bed now or in five minutes?" He still gets to make the choice, but you win no matter which option he picks.


        保持鎮定並且堅定Be calm but firm.

        Stand your ground even if your child cries or pleads for an exception to the going-to-bed rule. If you're frustrated, try not to engage in a power struggle. Speak calmly and quietly but insist that when time's up, time's up. If you give into his request for "five minutes more, please" once, you'll hear it again and again. If he throws a fit, ignore it as you do other tantrums. By paying attention to him — even if you're displeased with him — you've reinforced his behavior.


        讓他睡大小孩的床Moving him to a big-kid bed.

        Between the ages of 2 1/2 and 4, your child has probably outgrown his crib and is ready to give it up. Moving from his crib to a bed signals to him that he's becoming a big kid. You can tell him that part of getting older is learning how to go to bed when he needs to rest and doing so on his own. Once he's using his new bed, be sure to praise your child when he stays in it at bedtime and overnight. After the confinement of his crib, your child may get out of his big-kid bed over and over just because he can. If your toddler gets up, temper your reaction. Simply take him back to bed, firmly tell him that it's time to go to sleep, and leave. If he still won't stay in bed, you can try one of several strategies recommended by the top sleep experts.

        設定sleep rules->follow->獎賞

        Preschooler (Age3-6):

        • 漸漸不需要Nap了
        • 在成功之前通常會更糟
        • Tired->Quiet->Relaxed
        • 設定sleep rules->follow->獎賞


        3. 各派專家說法:

        Getting your toddler to sleep means preparing her for bed after the day's excitement so she'll nod off without much fuss. In this case the experts agree: It's important to create a consistent bedtime routine to signal sleep time and help your toddler wind down. In addition to establishing a ritual, Dr. William Sears advises "parenting" your toddler to sleep by rocking her, lying down with her, or cuddling with her.


        Mindell's view Develop a calm, soothing, and consistent bedtime routine. Put your toddler to bed drowsy but awake, so she can learn to soothe herself to sleep. Once she can fall asleep independently at bedtime, she'll be able to fall back to sleep on her own when she naturally awakens during the night. Read more about Mindell.

        Ferber's view Create a consistent, calming bedtime ritual. Decide ahead of time how long you want to spend reading, talking, or playing quietly, and then stick to the schedule; your toddler will appreciate knowing what's going to happen each night. Let her choose a transitional object such as a blanket or stuffed animal — it will provide comfort and help reassure her when she's alone. Read more about Ferber.

        The AAP's view Create a bedtime routine and give your toddler a comforting transitional object, such as a blanket or a stuffed animal. Put her down while she's sleepy but still awake, so she can settle herself and learn to fall asleep on her own.

        Toddlers can get quite attached to their bedtime ritual; if you change it, your toddler may complain or even have difficulty getting to sleep, so stick with the program and plan for a quiet time before bed. Of course, some toddlers will resist bedtime anyway, getting up again and again or calling to you repeatedly. This is partly due to negativism, a hallmark of toddlerhood, and partly due to lingering separation anxiety — she can still feel uneasy when you're out of sight. To help give your toddler some sense of control, let her make the bedtime choices — what to wear, what story to read, what stuffed animals or other security objects to sleep with, and the like. Read more about the American Academy of Pediatrics.

        Brazelton's view Create a relaxing, nurturing bedtime routine that can include such things as a story and bath, and teach your toddler self-comforting techniques. As she gets older, around 2 or 3, after you've completed a calm, quiet bedtime ritual, your toddler will probably go into a monologue or "crib narrative," sometimes addressing her thoughts to a favorite doll or stuffed animal. She uses this time — which can be as long as 45 minutes — to work through and talk about what she did all day before dropping off to sleep. The talking helps her feel in control of what happened to her, and that reinforces her growing sense of autonomy. Read more about Brazelton.

        Sears' view Your toddler needs to be "parented" to sleep, not just put to sleep. To parent her to sleep, try rocking her or lying down with her, and establish and follow a regular bedtime ritual. Read more about Sears.


        3. 如何訓練 (babywise)
        睡->吃->醒->睡


        4. 常見的睡眠問題


        (1) 為什麼孩子半夜起來? Why kids wake up during the night?

        Why won't my child sleep through the night? It's a question many bleary-eyed parents have pondered. You may be surprised to learn, however, that no child — or adult for that matter — truly sleeps "through the night." "Night wakings are a normal part of our sleep cycle, but good sleepers know how to fall back asleep without help," says Jodi Mindell, author of Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep. Unfortunately, many toddlers and preschoolers have yet to master this skill. In other words, if your child counts on you — or some other sleep aid — to help her nod off, she may have trouble drifting off again when she wakes in the wee hours.

        Of course, not even the most competent snoozers are immune to sleep disturbances. Common preschool fears, including monsters, ghosts, or other things that go bump in the night, can turn sound slumberers into troubled ones. Also, nightmares, which peak between the ages of 3 and 6, may prompt periodic sprints to the master suite. Likewise, any departure from your child's normal routine — a vacation, an illness, or even a change in bedtime — can derail her normal sleep patterns.

        (2) 如何處理半夜拜訪的孩子? How to deal with late-night visits?
        It's 3 a.m., and you're sound asleep. Suddenly, you feel a poke, a tap, then another poke. Try as you might to ignore it, the nocturnal assault continues. Eventually, you have no choice but to open your eyes. Before you stands your forlorn-looking child, uttering those all-too-familiar words: "Mommy, I need you!" If you and your partner don't mind a family bed — or even an occasional nighttime cuddle — there's no harm in giving in to your child's wishes. But if this arrangement is something you're trying to steer clear of, consider these strategies for coping with a child who won't stay put.

        A. 戒掉輔助品Lose the crutch.Come bedtime, many kids this age still have trouble falling asleep without the comfort of a pacifier, a stuffed animal, a special lullaby tape, or you. The problem: If that sleep aid isn't available when your child wakes, she may have trouble dozing off again. The solution: Gradually and gently phase out any sleep aids that your child can't turn to by herself during the night. "When you put your child to sleep, leave her bedroom exactly as it will be in the middle of the night," Mindell says. If you plan to turn the hall light off when you retire, turn it off now. White noise or soft music is fine — provided it plays all night. And whatever bedtime routine you follow, it's imperative that you leave the room before your child falls asleep so she doesn't wake up wondering why you're no longer there. Just remember that this may be a long, hard process. Success won't come overnight, so be patient.

        B. 設定接觸界限Set physical boundaries.

        If your child still sleeps in a crib but knows how to shimmy down the rail, you might consider "escape-proofing" her sleeping quarters with a mesh-covered tent. It attaches to the crib's railings and allows parents access through an outside zipper. "We didn't want our daughter to freak out when we put on the crib tent, so we presented it to her as a privilege," says Josh Denberg, a Mill Valley, Calif., father of one. "We called it the 'cuddle tent' and went on and on about how lucky she was to have one." Once your child makes the transition to a big bed, you can still sell staying in her room as a positive experience by placing a "magic" gate in the doorway. Of course, some parents feel comfortable with this hard-line approach, and some don't. Trust your instincts.

        C. 作法一致Be consistent.

        Develop a plan, and stick with it. At 3 a.m. it's easy to get worn down by your child's pleas — no matter how dead-set you may be against "co-sleeping." But if she manages to wiggle her way in, even once or twice a week, she's bound to keep trying. So haul yourself out of bed, escort her back to her room, give her a quick kiss, and leave. Be prepared to repeat this routine over and over if necessary — and to load up on coffee the next morning. If your child is sick or has a particularly bad dream, you may decide it's okay to bend the rules. But, says Mindell, if you camp out in her bedroom rather than allowing her into yours, it'll probably be less of a setback.

        D. 找出恐懼點Address fears.

        It's perfectly normal for a preschooler to develop a fear of the dark. So indulge her by leaving the hall light on or installing a night-light. If it's poltergeists, extraterrestrials, or other paranormal activities that send her strolling, do a monster search at bedtime. Check under the bed, inside the closet, and anywhere else specters may lurk. A spray-bottle filled with extra-strength monster-deterrent (a.k.a. water) can also provide late-night comfort.

        E. 獎勵Offer incentives.

        Rewards can be a great way to encourage a resistant child to comply with the nighttime drill. "Some parents frown on this method because they feel they're bribing their kids," says Mindell. "But learning to stay in your own bed is hard work, and it's okay to reward them for their efforts." Sharone Alston, a mother of one in Baltimore, Md., agrees. "I bought a Winnie the Pooh calendar, and each time my 3-year-old son slept in his own bed, he got to choose a sticker to place on it that day," she says. "After he'd slept in his own bed four days in a row, I gave him a piece of candy for a reward. The longer he went, the bigger the rewards. The grand-prize was a trip to Chuck E. Cheese."

        F. 界定起床時間snuggle-time built into their morning routine.

        Since your child probably can't tell time yet, tell her to come in when the sky is light (assuming that daylight saving time is on your side). If she's a little bit older, tape a piece of paper over the minutes of a clock, and use a marker to draw in the agreed-upon wake-up time. When the two numbers match, your child will know it's okay to leave her room.

        G. 小讓步Compromise.

        Consider sharing your bedroom but not your bed. "When our 3-year-old daughter refused to sleep alone, we put her toddler bed in our room and let her sleep there," says Alison Bard, a Kirkland, Wash., mother of two. If you're pressed for space, however, a sleeping bag or nap mat will work too. Better yet, these items are portable and not quite as cozy. After a few nights or weeks on the floor, your child's own soft mattress may seem more appealing to her.

        (3) 如何建立健康的睡眠習慣? How you can establish healthy sleep habits?
        At this age, these are the best things you can do to make sure your child's sleep habits are on the right track:

        A. 幫助他自己入睡,打破壞習慣Help him break bad sleep habits so he can fall asleep on his own.
        Your child should now be drifting off on his own at night without being rocked, nursed, or otherwise lulled to sleep. If he learns to depend on any of these external cues, he won't be able to fall back to sleep during the night when he wakes up and they're not there. Think of it this way, say sleep experts Jodi Mindell and Richard Ferber: You fall asleep with your head on a pillow, only to wake up in the middle of the night and find the pillow gone. You'd probably be concerned about the pillow's absence and look for it, rousing from your sleepy state. Similarly, if your child falls asleep every night listening to a particular CD, he'll wonder what happened when he wakes at night and doesn't hear the music, and he may not be able to drop off again easily. To help prevent this, try to get him into bed when he's sleepy but still awake, so he can fall asleep by himself.

        B. 讓他自己選擇可接受的睡覺時間Offer him acceptable choices at bedtime.
        These days your toddler is beginning to test the limits of his newfound independence, wanting to assert control over the world around him. To curtail bedtime power struggles, let your child make choices whenever possible during his nighttime routine — from which bedtime story he wants to hear to which pair of pajamas he'd like to wear. The trick is to offer only two or three alternatives and to make sure you're happy with every choice. For example, don't ask, "Do you want to go to bed now?" He could very well say no, which isn't acceptable. Instead, try, "Do you want to go to bed now or in five minutes?" He still gets to make the choice, but you win no matter which option he picks.

        C. 移到大小孩床並稱讚他Moving him into a big bed and praising him when he stays in it.
        This is the age when your toddler is likely to make the transition from crib to bed, probably because he'll have outgrown his babyhood digs. The arrival of a new sibling can also prompt the decision. If you're pregnant, move your toddler at least two to three months before you're due, advises sleep expert Jodi Mindell. "You want your older child well settled in his new bed before he sees the baby taking over his crib," says Mindell. But if the switch doesn't go well, it's okay to put it off until the new baby is 3 or 4 months old. Your newborn may spend those months sleeping in a bassinet anyway, and your older child will have time to get used to having a sibling, making the crib-to-bed transition easier. Other reasons to consider making the move include frequent jumping out of the crib and toilet training — your child may need to get up at night to go to the bathroom.

        Once he's using his new bed, be sure to praise your child when he stays in it at bedtime and overnight. After the confinement of his crib, your child may get out of his big-kid bed over and over just because he can. If your toddler gets up, temper your reaction. Simply take him back to bed, firmly tell him that it's time to go to sleep, and leave.

        D. 接受他的部分要求Anticipating all his requests and including them in your bedtime routine.
        Your toddler may start trying to put off bedtime by wheedling for "just one more" — story, song, glass of water. Try to anticipate all of your child's usual (and reasonable) requests and make them part of your bedtime routine. Then, suggests Jodi Mindell, allow your child one extra request — but make it clear that one is the limit. He'll feel like he's getting his way, but you'll know you're really getting yours.

        E. 多抱抱及親他Giving him an extra goodnight kiss or tuck-in.
        It's okay to promise your child an extra goodnight kiss after you've tucked him in the first time. Tell him you'll be back to check on him in a few minutes. Chances are he'll be fast asleep by the time you return.

        (4) 常見的問題? Potential pitfalls
        Two of the most common sleep problems for toddlers of all ages are difficulty falling asleep and frequent night wakings.

        Potential pitfalls
        If your toddler starts getting up more often once he graduates to a big bed, tuck him back in and bid him a firm goodnight. Other than that, how to handle the situation is a personal decision. Experts' opinions vary. Some say: don't coddle him or bring him into your bed. Some say that as long as your child is falling asleep on his own, it's fine to go in and soothe him, and others recommend going to your child immediately, finding the source of the problem and comforting him.

        Another widespread sleep problem at this age: resistance to bedtime. Ease or avoid the problem by anticipating and managing your child's before-bed requests. Few toddlers will run happily to bed every night, so be prepared for a few struggles.

        You'll probably notice that your child has some new nighttime worries these days. Being afraid of the dark, monsters under the bed, or separation from you is common in toddlers, so don't be too concerned. Fears are part of your child's normal development. If he starts having nightmares, go to him right away and talk to him about his bad dream while you calm him down. If bad dreams persist, look for sources of anxiety in his daily life. Most of the experts agree that if your child is truly terrified, it's all right to let him into your bed every once in a while, too.

        (5) 何時及如何讓孩子移到大床? How and when should I move my toddler from a crib to a bed?
        There's no set time when you have to get rid of your toddler's crib and move him to a regular or toddler bed, although most children make the switch sometime between ages 1 1/2 and 3 1/2. Of course, you'll need to move your toddler to a bed when he's simply too big or too active to sleep in his crib anymore. Once he's potty trained he'll need to be able to get out of bed to use the toilet.

        Many parents make the switch out of concern that their active toddler might climb or jump out of his crib, and this is a real safety concern.

        But it's best not to react to climbing out of the crib or any other sudden sleep problem with a sense of crisis — don't rush right out and buy a new bed the day your toddler first climbs out of the crib. He may not be ready to move to a bed, and it may not be safe for him to be up and about during the night when everyone else is asleep. You can buy yourself some additional time by lowering the crib mattress as far as possible, so the side rails are higher and more difficult for him to get over. And, of course, always remove the padded bumpers as soon as your toddler starts to climb. In addition, you can install a crib tent, which is mesh and attaches to the crib rails with Velcro. It keeps little ones safe and snug in their crib.

        Another reason parents make the switch to a bed is the impending arrival of another baby. If this is your situation, make the switch at least six to eight weeks before you're due. You want your toddler well settled in his new bed before he sees the baby taking over "his" crib. Depending on your toddler's age and size, you could also delay the switch until the new baby is 3 or 4 months old. Your newborn will probably spend those months sleeping in a bassinet anyway, and your toddler will have time to adjust to the new baby, making the transition to a bed easier when it does happen.

        Some children adjust readily to this change, while others have a hard time with it. Every child is different. Your firstborn will be the one most likely to resist the transition. He may be very attached to his crib and all of his associations with it. The move to sleeping in a bed will be just one of many changes at this stage in his life — it may coincide with toilet training, starting preschool, and other pressures to "grow up." And if a new baby's on the way he may feel possessive of his baby things, including his crib. Later-born children often have an easier time because they want to be just like their older brother or sister and are eager to move from the crib, which is "for babies," into a "big-kid bed." And some toddlers, whether first- or later-born, are just plain ready and relish this change in their status.

        To ease the transition, put your toddler's new bed in the same place as his crib used to be. If you're using a twin bed, you may not want to make an immediate switch to grown-up style tucked-in sheets and blankets — your child may find it soothing to continue to sleep with his old crib blanket, even if it's too small. (Don't forget to put up a guardrail to prevent your newly liberated toddler from falling out of bed.) Get him excited about having a "big-kid bed" by taking your toddler with you to pick out his bed (if you buy it new) or by emphasizing its previous owner if it was someone your child knows. ("This was Cousin Petey's bed and now it's yours! You're almost as big as him now!") Let him shop with you for new sheets featuring his favorite characters, and encourage him to show his "big-kid bed" to visiting friends and family.

        Another tactic, though one that requires a little more work, is to throw a "big-kid bed" party. Choose a date to unveil the new bed, and talk up the event a week in advance. On the big day, have a party and invite friends and grandparents.

        Be forewarned, however: Some parents find that they made the switch prematurely, and their toddler is upset. Don't give up right away — continue to encourage your child to try out the bed. If he's still distraught after a few days, bring the crib back. Just be sure you don't present its reappearance as a step backward in development or a punishment.

        Last, remember that the switch from a crib to a bed is milestone in your life, too. It's another sign that your baby is growing up. Reflect back on when you first set up the crib for your little one, and then go have a private celebration of your own.

        ※建議
        A. 降低床墊Lower the mattress:

        If you move the crib mattress to its lowest position, you may be able to physically prevent your child from getting out. This probably won't work when he gets bigger, though.

        B. 清空小床Empty the crib:

        Your child may be using crib toys or bumpers as stepstools to help him get out. If you remove them, he may stay put a little longer.

        C. 別讓跳床得逞Don't make jumping out worth his while:

        If your child jumps out of his crib and you react by giving him lots of attention or letting him get in bed with you, he'll keep doing it. Instead, stay calm and neutral, firmly tell him not to climb out, and put him right back in his crib. He'll get the idea pretty quickly.

        D. 用床帳Consider a crib tent:

        Crib tents are widely available. They attach to crib rails with Velcro and keep your toddler safe inside.

        E. 及時制止Keep watch:

        Nip his escapades in the bud by standing where you can see him in his crib — but he can't see you. If he tries to get out, immediately tell him not to. After you've done this a few times, he'll probably learn to stay put.

        F. 提供安全環境Set up a safe environment:

        If you can't keep your child from jumping out, you can at least make sure he stays safe. Place pillows and other padding on the floor around his crib and on nearby toy chests, dressers, and other objects that could cause a hard knock. If he absolutely won't stop climbing, you can always lower the crib rail and leave a step stool nearby. At least then you won't have to worry about him falling and hurting himself. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

        5. 一些有效的方法

        音樂Comforting sounds
        "I bought a sound machine that has about eight sounds, such as white noise, heartbeats, rain, ocean, and streams. I use it for every nap to help drown out the noises of the day and at night, too."

        輔助品Sleep aids
        "From the first night we brought him home, we put a Soft Vibes Teddy against the side of the crib and a Mommy Bear at the head of the crib. We keep a bucket of pacifiers by his crib so one is always handy."
        "My 12-month-old son sleeps with his 'friend' Elmo. He'll spend half an hour talking to Elmo in the morning, which gives us some extra zzzs. He also has a very soft blanket that he'll cuddle with."
        "We introduced Megan to books very early on. When it's naptime, we play music, and she picks out about four books that she can take in her crib with her. She blows me kisses and I tell her to have a nice nap and I'll see her in a bit. Then I leave and she 'reads' until she falls asleep."

        注意孩子的想睡徵兆Watch for sleepy signs
        "My best advice is to watch your toddler's cues, i.e., rubbing his eyes, fussing, sucking fingers or a thumb. The minute we see him do any of the above, we just put him down in his crib and he goes right to sleep."

        一致的時間表Consistent schedule, even during the holidays
        "My son Oliver always kept the same sleep schedule and as soon as we saw him getting sleepy, we'd put him down. But with all the excitement of the holidays, he was too busy to notice that he was tired — and so were we. After a disastrous Thanksgiving when he never took his naps and was cranky all the time, we changed our tack. At Christmas, we kept a very close eye on the clock and brought him into a quiet room for some downtime and a nap — even if he didn't appear tired. He ended up sleeping every single time and the nights were no longer a problem."

        讓他哭Modified crying it out
        "After weeks of repeated night wakings, we decided to try the technique where you let your child cry for 15 minutes and then go in and verbally soothe him. Nicholas cried for 15 minutes, and we went in there and 'talked' him down. The next night he did it again, but only cried for ten minutes and he was out. It didn't happen the next night."

        禱告Saying prayers
        "My 3-year-old son started waking up in the middle of the night with nightmares, and was afraid to go to sleep for fear of the dreams. One night I was in my room saying my bedtime prayers and he came to see what I was doing. I let him join me, and in the prayer I said I hoped he would sleep without nightmares that night. He slept through the night after that and ever since this has become a ritual. It's also a time for the two of us to wind down and talk about the good and bad things that happened that day."

        磐石宣道會 媽媽小組 Spring 2007

        磐石宣道會 媽媽小組 Spring 2007

        歡迎大家再度來到媽媽小組
        這學期我們將繼續『陽光媽媽』的內容
        並穿插五次專題
        期盼我們每一個人都是快樂媽媽

        內容 日期/負責
        開學囉! 告別寒假 1/24
        原則五:
        以身作則的力量 活的教科書 1/31宗珮
        因雪暫停 給予肯定的訓練 2/7一兵
        因雪暫停 專題1:鼓勵式的管教 2/14師母
        留下美好回憶 2/21宇暉
        原則六:
        持守道德的力量
        專題1:鼓勵式的管教 2/28師母
        專題2:糾正式的管教 3/7師母
        放春假! 3/14
        專題3:後果與懲罰 3/21師母
        給予肯定的訓練 3/28一兵
        遵行聖經的教訓 4/4惠玫
        原則七:
        愛與寬恕的力量
        仁慈之家 4/11何玉
        向著標竿直跑 4/18宗珮
        福音電影 4/25
        期末聚餐:Talk about preschool v.s. Kindergarten 5/2一兵
        迎接暑假

        磐石宣道會 媽媽小組 Fall 2006

        磐石宣道會 媽媽小組 Fall 2006

        歡迎大家再度來到媽媽小組 這學期我們將繼續『陽光媽媽』的內容。期盼我們每一個人都將成為正面積極的快樂媽媽 不管我們的孩子是1個月大或是14歲!

        內容

        日期

        負責

        原則一

         

        鼓勵的力量:金蘋果

        上學期

         

        微笑之美

        9/20

        宗珮

        原則二:

         

         

        禱告的力量 積極媽媽就是禱告媽媽

        9/27

         

        卸下憂慮

        10/4

         

        禱告的婦女

        10/11

         

        原則三:

         

         

        良好態度的力量 勿接受自憐女士派對的邀請

        10/18

         

        專題

        10/25

         

        感恩的態度

        11/1

         

        人生的挑戰

        11/8

         

        原則四

         

         

        堅定關係的力量 琴瑟和鳴

        11/15

         

        結交肯定的朋友

        11/29

         

        媽咪心靈導師

        12/6

         

        期末聚餐

        12/13

         

        fall 2005 gatherings

        磐石宣道會 媽媽小組 Fall 2006
        W E L C O M E B A C K! 歡迎各位媽媽們拎著奶粉尿布抽空前來加入我們的媽媽小組.本學期預計從9/8-12/15/2005.每週四上午10:00在李娜家聚會,本學期我們將根據 "On becoming babywise—Book 2” 針對帶5-15month大孩子的媽媽們有興趣的主題來討論,另外每週師母將會帶領分享對各年齡層孩子們品德教育的教導,敬請期待!
        大致的schedule如下


        Date 內容 負責人
        9/8 敘舊 大家
        9/15 介紹與育兒基本觀念 宗珮
        9/22 道德基礎 石柳
        9/29 Video tape 師母
        10/6 吃飯的時段 李娜
        10/13 High chair上的態度 石柳/宗珮
        10/20 Video tape 師母
        10/27 醒著的時段 一兵
        11/3 如何訓練孩子 李娜
        11/10 Video tape 師母
        11/17 小睡及夜睡時段 宗珮
        11/24Thanksgiving休息一次

        No class

        12/1 Potty training 一兵
        12/8Video tape 師母
        12/15 Potluck party 大家


        * 若遇雪天或臨時有變動,我們將請一兵發e-mail通知大家,請儘早提供e-mail或電話給一兵,謝謝!
        * 感謝李娜持續願意開放她的家庭及廚房,若您有感動,歡迎不定時提供點心、甜湯或小小私房菜與大家分享!
        * 有任何問題請與宗珮聯絡: 238-7567,3Q!

        勇於管教 Dare to Discipline

        勇於管教 Dare to Discipline
        詹姆斯杜布森著



        章 主題 摘要內容大綱 負責人 箴言 日期 地點
        1 為人父母的挑戰 父母需要知道如何設限以及處理孩子的違抗行為,並且以愛作基礎 <師母> 23 1/14 宗珮
        2 贏得孩子的尊重 孩子和父母間相互尊重的關係會深深影響他以後和他人相處的態度 宗珮 22 1/21 李娜
        3 管教的重要原則 在愛與管教的互動間取得平衡是為人父母成功的關鍵 李娜 21 1/28 宗珮
        4 管教疑難問與答 漫柳
        玉梅 20 2/4 李娜
        5 合理獎賞真有效 「增強定律」能幫助父母教導孩子負起更大的責任改掉不良習慣 趙燕 19 2/11 宗珮
        6 改變行為有妙方 除了運用立即獎賞使用非物質的原則父母亦須知道「消除」的原則 惠玫 18 2/28 李娜
        7 學習也需要規範 錯誤的教學理論影響孩童一輩子學習 曉娟 17 2/25 宗珮
        8 認識孩子的學習障礙(一) 父母要了解孩子學習上的問題:是否為「大器晚成」或「學習緩慢」? 毅君 16 3/4 李娜
        9 認識孩子的學習障礙(二) 父母可以經由各種方法幫助「實力未能發揮型」的孩子 莉華 15 3/18 宗珮
        10 搶救青少年的純真 錯誤的「安全性行為」衍生巨大的社會問題 曉燕
        李立 14 3/25 李娜
        11 給母親的貼心話 母親是孩子在健康教育智力個性品格和健全心理的主要保護者 <一兵>

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